You cannot catch the tooth fairy in a mouse-trap. Only your Daddy.

You cannot hide your uneaten peas, broccoli, liver, etc on the shelf under the table-top forever. Eventually the cat will out you.

Switching the Castoria with Hersheys Syrup only works if you fake gag and don’t offer to lick the spoon.

You can change an “F” to a “B” but you can’t change a “D” to anything, so it’s better to make an “F”.

Just feed all the Baby Asprin you don’t like to your cousin or hide them in your mothers potted plants.

When faking “taking a bath”, don’t forget to wet the soap and re-wet the tub after drying it with the towel (so the towel is wet). Be sure to moisten your skin and rub some soap on yourself so you smell clean. Dampen the bottom edges of your hair.

Use caution when using a light bulb to raise the temperature on the thermometer. It’s very difficult to explain a 109 degree fever to a hysterical parent.

A fake cough will always turn into a real cough if you over play the cough-card.

Never hide your report card in a library book and then return it. There is a level greater than “lost” that only a kid understands.

None of the exercises will make your titties bigger before you’re eight.

I was notorious for cleaning up my room and sticking stuff under my parents bed just because they had a dust ruffle.

It is absolutely possible to dig to China if it weren’t for childhood curfews.

If you need to do an oral book report and just plan on casually asking your Dad last minute what it’s about, don’t count on him giving you a straight answer. For instance, “Island of the Blue Dolphins” is not a true story about an island that football players went to in hopes of becoming a championship team and the quest of a little native boy on the island who wanted to become a Dolphin. However, an awful lot of boys in my class asked to read that book next though! (And thank heavens I got an “F”!)



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